You’ve likely found yourself questioning someone’s behavior or intentions, often imagining various reasons behind their actions. Brené Brown calls this “the stories we tell ourselves.” In one example, she misinterpreted her husband's silence while swimming, only to realise later he hadn’t heard her because of earplugs. This highlights a common issue: we often fill gaps in communication with our own assumptions, which can lead to unnecessary stress and misunderstandings.

Humans, unlike most other mammals, take years to become self-sufficient. Our survival depends on socialisation and fitting in, which wires us from a young age to interpret others' behaviors, often reading meaning into actions where none may exist. These assumptions can carry over into adulthood, particularly in the workplace, where we often try to make sense of vague feedback or unclear interactions.

This becomes problematic when it comes to accountability. In professional settings, unclear communication fosters uncertainty, which can trigger our instinctive “fight, flight, or freeze” responses. Instead of addressing issues directly, we may avoid conversations or overthink what’s going on, leading to missteps.

For instance, telling an employee “We need to talk” without specifics can create unnecessary anxiety. On the other hand, clear feedback—“Here’s what went wrong, here’s how to fix it”—avoids ambiguity and keeps the focus on action.

Interestingly, we do this to ourselves as well. We may avoid asking clarifying questions, assume we know what’s required, or hesitate to address issues directly. To break this cycle, leaders must move from assumptions to facts. Ask questions, seek clarity, and encourage open dialogue to foster a culture of trust and accountability.

Ultimately, the stories we tell ourselves can cloud our judgment and lead to poor decisions. By focusing on clear communication and direct feedback, you can improve accountability and lead with greater effectiveness.

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